Does God actually have a place in our thinking? Our process of thinking is structured in such a way that he simply ought not to exist. Even if he seems to knock at the door of our thinking, he has to be explained away… Not even in our feelings and desires is there any room for him. We want ourselves. We want what we can seize hold of, we want happiness that is within our reach, we want our plans and purposes to succeed. We are so “full” of ourselves that there is no room left for God.
I keep circling back to this point. I’m very conflicted. I recall so clearly, when I had a conversion experience in my late teens, how present God was in my day-to-day thoughts and actions. Big things, little things, He came to mind constantly. That has faded somewhat over time. I’m not certain how much of that becoming more “background music” is because of my own lukewarmness, and how much is becoming more deeply incorporated into the Body of Christ, and learning to think like a Catholic (and hence not having to re-invent, and re-analyze the wheel at every turn.) B-XVI has given me much to ponder in these Christmas days…
